


Right?

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Lots of awkwardness, M/M, jace is super oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 02:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6451135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec is definitely hiding something, so naturally a fight ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right?

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to onthewordshakerstree on tumblr for requesting some jalec angst! Hope you like it <3

Jace wasn’t sure how Alec managed to fall asleep during horror movies. 

Jace liked to pretend that, since he was a badass demon-slaying shadowhunter, nothing scared him, but the thing about the ghosts and other creatures in supernatural horror movies was that they didn’t follow the same rules that they did in real life. Alec was able to write the movies off as stupid for that reason, but for Jace the unpredictability of the movie monsters actually made them unnerving. But Isabelle liked horror movies, and Jace didn’t want to seem like he was scared, so every Friday night since Isabelle bought her monitor a couple months previous the three of them gathered on the couch in her room and watched Netflix. 

Jace didn’t think that the movies about serial killers were frightening, just because he knew that he and his few loved ones could easily fight off any kind of human killer, but that night the three of them were watching one of Isabelle’s favorites, which was a movie about a house haunted by a poltergeist. The movie was succeeding in giving Jace the creeps despite the subpar acting. 

Alec had fallen asleep with his head on Jace’s shoulder, which was predictable and Jace didn’t mind it as long as Alec didn’t drool on his shirt. Even then Jace wouldn’t have woken up Alec, but he would have complained at length to him later. 

It was nearing the part in the movie when the family thought they were safe, only to be attacked by the poltergeist once again, when Alec started talking in his sleep. First, he spoke inaudibly, just muffled sounds that Jace couldn’t quite hear over the movie.

“Izzy, Alec’s saying shit in his sleep,” Jace whispered. He couldn’t turn his head without disturbing Alec, so he couldn’t see Isabelle’s expression, but he could hear her scoff.

“He always used to do that as a kid. Fucking annoying,” Isabelle whispered back. Jace knew it just as well as Isabelle did; Jace and Alec hadn’t shared a room in years, but when they had Alec would have full conversations in his sleep every so often. Jace hadn’t heard Alec talk in his sleep in a while, though, and he was sort of interested in hearing what he had to say.

Jace decided to pay less attention to the movie and more attention to Alec’s words, but he still couldn’t make out what Alec was saying. Well, that was the case until Alec said his name rather loudly. 

Jace choked on his laughter. 

“What’s he saying?” Isabelle hissed. 

“He said my name,” Jace replied. 

“Jace,” Alec repeated. 

“Oh, Alec,” Isabelle said, shaking her head. 

Jace and Isabelle’s conversation or something in Alec’s dream must have disturbed him, because a moment later he jolted awake. 

“Fuck,” was the first thing he said. Jace and Isabelle both burst out laughing. Their laughs intermingled with the screams of a tortured family. 

Alec sat up and looked around blearily.

“You were talking in your sleep again, man,” Jace told him. 

“Fuck,” Alec repeated. “What did I say?”

“You were all, ‘Jace, Jace!’” Jace said. Isabelle laughed.

Alec looked horrified, though Jace wasn’t sure what the big deal was. After a second, though, Alec seemed to get it together again and fixed his facial expression into something less terrified. 

“Sorry,” Alec mumbled. 

“Apologize to me,” Isabelle said. “Both of you. You’re interrupting my movie!” 

  


***

Alec was acting strangely. 

Jace could only tell because he was so close with Alec: something was off. Alec kept avoiding him, and refused to make eye contact, and recoiled whenever Jace tried to touch him. He was acting like he and Jace were fighting, or like he was keeping a secret from Jace, and Jace didn’t like the thought of either of those things. 

So Jace cornered him in his bedroom one afternoon. They were both still in their clothes from training, and Jace was postponing a well-needed shower, but this was more important. 

“What’s up with you, man?” Jace asked. 

“What do you mean?” Alec responded. He just stood in front of Jace with his arms crossed unwelcomingly. 

“I mean, why are you avoiding me and shit?” 

“I’m not avoiding you,” Alec said, as he refused to make eye contact.

“Yeah, you are. You’re avoiding me right now.” Jace reached out and grabbed Alec’s chin to try to direct Alec’s gaze towards himself. Alec raised a hand and swatted Jace’s arm away forcefully. 

“Don’t do that,” Alec said. 

“Since when have you cared about me touching you?” Jace demanded. 

“I don’t know, Jace, can you just leave me alone?” Alec spat. 

Jace took a step back as if Alec had tried to hit him. “Fuck you,” Jace hissed. He turned on his heel and left the room, thoroughly more upset than he had been when they had started the conversation. Well, if Alec was going to make things hard for them, that wasn’t Jace’s problem. 

  


***

  


Alec continued being weird, but now they were both avoiding each other. It wasn’t unheard of that Jace and Alec would fight; Jace reasoned that they’d get into a screaming argument, or simply get tired of the silence between them, and then they’d be fine. 

The problem with the Institute was that it seemed to shrink every time Jace tried to avoid Alec, so he ended up passing Alec in the hallway multiple times a day or found himself occupying the kitchen or dining room at the same time as Alec. It didn’t help that Isabelle seemed to be trying to fix their problem by orchestrating meetings between them and having quiet conversations with Alec whenever she thought Jace was far enough away. But, since the Institute was feeling rather small those days, Jace never seemed to be far enough away, and sometimes he’d catch snippets of their conversations as he walked past the library or the dining room. 

One such overhead conversation happened a few days after Jace and Alec’s argument in Alec’s bedroom. Jace was passing the ajar door of the library when he heard his name. 

“You have to tell Jace eventually,” Isabelle said. Her voice was louder than usual; they must have been at it for a while. 

“We both know that would just ruin things,” Alec retorted. There was fear in his voice. Jace was about to pause outside the library to see if he could listen in on more of their conversation when the door slammed all the way open and Alec stormed into the hallway. 

“Jace!” He exclaimed, looking startled.

“I knew you were keeping something from me,” Jace accused. 

“I’m not--” Alec began. 

“Don’t even try,” Jace cut him off.

Isabelle came up behind Alec with a worried look on her face. 

“Maybe you two should just have a conversation,” she suggested in a stage whisper before disappearing down the hallway. 

Jace and Alec just looked at each other for another moment, fuming, before Alec broke the stare and went after his sister. 

  


***

  


Jace had worked himself into quite a state of annoyance and anger by the time Alec was finally ready to have a conversation, to the point that Jace almost told Alec to fuck off when he came knocking at Jace’s door. But Jace decided not to be an asshole, mostly because he hadn’t said a civil word to Alec in a week and he was getting bored of their fight. So he told Alec to come in and sat up on the end of his bed. 

Alec stood awkwardly in the room a few paces back from Jace. Jace was going to invite Alec to sit on the bed since he looked so uncomfortable, but he decided not to, on principle, just because they were technically still fighting.

“What’s up?” Jace prompted. He tried his best to keep a hostile tone out of his voice.

“We need to talk,” Alec said. Much to Jace’s surprise, Alec couldn’t manage a hostile tone either. He just sounded exhausted, which kept Jace from retorting snarkily. 

“Sure.”

“I...I’m really sorry about this, okay?” 

“Alec, you don’t have to apologize. I was just as much of an ass as you were. Well, almost as much of an ass,” Jace tried, but Alec didn’t smile. He just kept the same tired expression. 

“No, I’m sorry about what I’m going to say.” Alec clasped his hands together in front of himself, a trusty sign that he was nervous.

“Just say it, Alec. We’ve gotten past worse.” Jace was getting impatient. 

“I don’t think so, but...yeah, I should just say it.” Alec paused and took a deep breath. “I love you, Jace,” he said. Jace expected him to say more, so he didn’t reply yet, but when Alec didn’t say anything else he couldn’t hold back his laughter.

“What are you talking about? I love you, too,” Jace said. Of course he loved Alec. They were parabatai, after all. He was supposed to love Alec. 

Alec just stared at him. “Okay,” he said after a second. 

“Okay?” Jace repeated. Alec turned away and left the room. Jace couldn’t remember the last time he had been so confused. 

  


***

  


Jace’s confusion kept him up that night. He kept replaying the conversation in his head to see if he had missed something important, but he couldn’t figure it out. Once he had thoroughly gone over the conversation, he started thinking of the previous week. Jace wasn’t sure why they had even been fighting to begin with. 

Jace analyzed the information he had: 1. The overheard conversation in the library, 2. The fact that Alec wouldn’t touch him, which Jace had attributed to Alec just being pissy, and...Jace couldn’t think of a third piece of information. When had the fighting even started? Jace wracked his brain and came up with nothing except that they hadn’t been fighting before the previous Friday when Alec had fallen asleep on Jace. So, 3. Alec had said Jace’s name in his sleep. And, Jace though, might as well add 4. Alec weirdly reminding Jace that he loved him. 

Oh, Jace thought. 

No. 

That wasn’t possible. Alec couldn’t love him love him, like, be in love with him. 

But maybe it made sense? Alec and Jace had been inseparable since childhood. And Jace truly did love Alec, more than anyone else in the world except maybe Isabelle. It wouldn’t be impossible if at some point along the way Alec had confused his own affection for Jace with attraction. The thought was so strange, though, since Jace couldn’t possibly reciprocate Alec’s feelings.

Right? 

***

  


Jace and Alec weren’t fighting anymore, but Jace still felt distant from his parabatai. The realization that Alec was in love with him was...uncomfortable, in a way, but mostly because Jace wasn’t sure how to deal with his own feelings on the matter. Jace supported Alec if he were gay or bi or whatever, but Jace had always considered himself to be straight. 

The weirdest part, for Jace, was that he knew how much he loved Alec. And he knew, too, that Alec was beautiful, and graceful and strong; he could see it when they were sparring, or even when Alec was just hanging around the Institute. But Jace had always known those things, and he had never considered himself to be in love with Alec. It was all just part of the natural affection born between parabatai or even just between best friends. Jace was uncomfortable because he wasn’t sure how Alec knew that he was in love with Jace, and how Jace was supposed to know that he wasn’t in love with Alec. 

Though Jace and Alec weren’t fighting, they still hardly spoke. This time there was no anger between them; just a lingering awkwardness that neither of them wanted to address. Alec kept averting his eyes every time Jace looked at him, but now Jace didn’t even try to touch him, and didn’t even try to get Alec to stop avoiding him. He just...didn’t know how to handle it. 

Alec finally broke the silence when he and Jace were headed to their rooms one night. They had eaten dinner together with Isabelle spectating their awkwardness, and were both relieved to be headed back to their rooms for the night. Alec stopped Jace in the hallway, though, before Jace was about to go into his room.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Alec said simply. He spoke quietly and didn’t look at Jace.

“Where are you going?” Jace asked, surprised. It was the first he had heard of it.

“My mom told me just a few days ago that there’s an opportunity in Idris. They need a representative from the Brooklyn Institute to attend some meetings. I’m old enough now, so I’m going,” Alec explained. 

“What? For how long?” 

“A month.” Jace’s heart sank. He hadn’t been separated from Alec for that long in years. Even if they were arguing or doing whatever it was they were doing now, it was better to be doing it with Alec in the same room. 

“There’s no cell service in Idris,” Jace commented.

“I know. But I’ll see you afterwards. It might be good for us to, you know, get some time away from each other,” Alec mumbled the last sentence, so quietly Jace could barely hear him. 

Jace swallowed. “Okay.” 

“I have to finish packing,” Alec said. Jace nodded, and Alec ducked into his room.

  


***

  


Jace couldn’t sleep that night, either. The question kept whirling in his mind: how was he supposed to know that he wasn’t in love with Alec? If someone asked him offhand if he was in love with Alec, he might say yes. It felt like an easy answer, like it fit, like it made so many things in Jace’s life make more sense.

Maybe it was better that he and Alec wouldn’t see each other for a month. It would give them both time to cool off. Jace didn’t want their relationship to change, after all. 

Right? 

  


***

  


The next morning, Jace woke up early and knocked on Alec’s door. No one responded, so he opened the door and found the room empty. Jace searched the Institute, but Alec was already gone. 

Well, Jace thought, it was better this way. It was better if they just stayed friends.

Right?


End file.
